A few years ago, I discovered the beauty and satisfaction of creating vision boards. Most of the time vision boards are spoken of as tool of manifestation. For me it can be that, but I prefer to call it a tool of imagination. A sort of map to guide me or others into the direction of (temporary) destinations.
In the years living in Switzerland, I started to give workshops with my dear friend. After the first one – no actually already during – we realised how enriching the coming-together to imagine can be. It had healing qualities to share these spaces. Sometimes the vulnerability and resilience were mutually touchable in the air. When moving to Leicester I had the chance to continue giving these workshops with a new dear person. She introduced me to bodily movements and meditation as an addition to get into the visualisation process. And again, the energies exchanged in the created safe spaces are goosebumps provoking.
Slowly, my time in Leicester as an active researcher in the field comes to an end.
But how do I leave a place I shared so much sweat with?
When I first started my entire focus was on being accepted in the gym. The gym has its rules. The gym has its daily-repetitive rhythm. The gym has its hierarchies. I knew I was an outsider, so I put a lot of effort in belonging. But how do you leave?
This is a question of ethics. Or more specifically, a question of lived ethics. Lived ethics are complex and something that requires a lot of reflection. Especially, when the researcher wears more than just one hat. In my case, I think I am not only a researcher, but also a training partner, a friend, a mate, a member, a consumer, etc.
So, how do you detangle all these relationships?
Do you really leave?
What do you take with you and what do you give?
Who do you serve?
What stories do you tell and how do you tell these stories?
These were some of the questions we explored in the “Exiting the field: Vision Board Workshop”. I designed the workshop for fellow ESR researchers and the training committee hosted me in one of their pop-up methods training workshops. In designing it I was greatly inspired by my two dear friends and invited bodily movements next to a part of written reflections and free creation.
Everyone has their very own journey in terms of research. This means also, the field and the relationships in the field are fundamentally different. However, the act of coming together and sharing a space for utterly different reflection than what we normally do in academia – a shift from the written to the felt and visually created - made the virtual air our safe space. It was beautiful to bring such an important ever-changing piece of my ‘outside life’ into academia. To experiment with a combination of ideas and methods that on first sight seem a bit off. Some of the thoughts I had surprised me more than others. But what comforted me the most was how deeply every single one of us cares about their fields. The realisation that leaving will not be easy. Probably, even more so for us researcher than for our participants.
What will be left of me once I am gone? Will it be social change? Sustainable?
I thank all the participants for the trust and joy for experiments. Thank you for exploring the entanglements and boundaries of lived ethics with me.
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